3:22 A.M.

Have you ever noticed how you only get really motivated to change your life at three in the morning. You'll be sitting there watching TV and suddenly think... I have got to start working out, like, right fucking now. Or you are in bed and suddenly a moment of absolute clarity strikes you like lightning. You can see all the variables and all the interconnected relationships between things and people, and suddenly its all so simple. You think to yourself that tomorrow morning you are starting a new paradigm of knowledge and cooperation with yourself and your whole environment. Only to wake up having no memory of all that amazing shit you just thought of a few hours earlier.

I think sometimes I fear sleep for that reason. I don't want to lose that progress. In real life you can't just save the document you're working on and pick it back up later. You really have to recognize these moments and fucking hang on to them. The best ideas come at three in the morning and leave before sun rise. Sleep must delete them in some manner or way.

For me those moments come from a manic place. See mania is often viewed as negative, like saying "that guy is a maniac". It is a hard thing for "normal" people to wrap their heads around. Mostly, I think, it's because mania really manifests itself differently from person to person. Mine works in conjunction with my insomnia. I sleep about four hours a night, and sometimes I spend that extra awake time being incredibly fucking productive. When I was younger I could stay awake for a few days with seemingly no negative effects. Now it's not like that but I do have these manic episodes where I have these great ideas for a business, a blog, a website, really anything. My Mom used to say my sickness gave me delusions of grandeur. She was probably right. Because now I realize the word delusion, which I thought I was immune from, is a very real part of my life.

I'm not suggesting that everyone who has late night inspiration is bi-polar, but if that late night inspiration comes in conjunction with frequent insomnia you should probably look into it. People like me just have to find a way to separate the delusion from the inspiration. We have to learn to accept ourselves the way we are, and parlay that shit into something great. And remember slackers... Choose life.